I feel good about the video, but sometimes I think we didn’t explain enough to people who don’t know anything about the issue [of early marriage and pregnancy among immigrant African girls.]

When we started the project, it wasn’t our main topic. Our first focus was dropping out of school.  But as we talked to students, it became clear that this was an issue that affected everyone of us and that none of us had really discussed openly before how we felt about marriage and starting families so young. We needed to focus on it

Personally, I was one of the students who was going through that situation with my parents. Having the discussion group, hearing what the guys had to say, what the girls who were opposing their parents had to say, along with the girls who were going back home to get married—it helped me make my own decision. It also helped me because I not only accomplished this video, but it has influenced me to go back to Senegal this summer and make a video about the same subject there, with the problems it causes for girls back home, too.

When my little sister who is sixteen got married, it was hard for me. Before, my goal had been to get married like her, at about the same age. But the fact that I’m here in this country and have a lot of opportunities, I see how knowledge is power. If I don’t have an education, I will never be able to offer my own kids something better or to feel like I’m important. When I said I didn’t want to marry like my sister, my father said I was destroying tradition.  Making this documentary helped me find another way to express to my father that what he wanted for me was not the same thing I wanted for myself, that my education mattered more.

In our discussion group, two of the girls were married and another was getting married, so we weren’t all of the same mind. We argued a lot. It is hard because the issue of early marriage, some people define it as religious, some say it’s about tradition. Most of the girls who were struggling with early marriage were struggling with not being a good Muslim or not following the family tradition. I would say that half of the girls in the group will get married, even though they may say, “I’m not going to do this, I’m not going to do that.”  It takes strength to go against the culture.

Most of these are arranged marriages, though in a few cases the parents gave the girl a choice about who she will marry [but not about getting married].

I’ve been here for five years, but it doesn’t really make that much of a difference how many years you’ve been here when it comes to the issue. The parents continue to have the African mentality, “I’m older, you obey me, you follow my rules, you do not question what I say.” It’s difficult for us to make our parents understand that it’s different here, to have a real discussion and exchange views.

Most of the girls have a boyfriend before they get married, and it’s hard for them to tell their boyfriend, “I’m going back home to get married.” The girls are sent home in the summer for a traditional marriage, then they come back here, usually pregnant. The husband stays back home and they are here, though some try to bring the husband here. When they have their baby, sometimes the husband comes to visit.

And once they have their baby, most of the girls drop out of school. That’s what hurts me the most. As a young African, I ask “Why do we have to sacrifice our lives for my parents?” The pain stays with you.  Seeing your other friends go to school, doing something good with their life, and you sit at home, working for minimum wage, raising your kids alone—it’s heartbreaking.

All of the girls in the documentary come from West Africa. In my own country of Senegal, they still believe that men are superior and women are inferior. Because of that, they set limits for women, especially in the part of Senegal I come from.  All of my friends got married. Out of all of them, I’m the only one who hasn’t married yet. It’s kind of embarrassing, but at the same time, I have to say and repeat to myself that we have different goals. There was a time when I saw my future the same way, but it’s changed for me. I believe I have a right to make myself happy, even if it sounds selfish.

What changed it for me was coming here and seeing the opportunities and a different way of life. There, all you knew was girls getting married, women accepting that they were inferior. You wanted to fit in, so you did the same. Coming here, I got a different picture, I said “I want to put myself in a new position, and I’m not going to let anyone make me do something I don’t want to do.”

I came here with my dad and step mom. They are not that kind of open family where you can sit around and talk about your ideas. But my mom, she’s back home in Senegal, I call her and she always says, “Get an education, this is what is going to help you for the future, what will make you who you are.” She was a professor at a university before she married my dad. When she married, she had to let everything go and become a housewife. She couldn’t fight the tradition and beliefs. But for me, she has said, “Whoever comes, say no. Let them wait until you finish school, don’t make any promises.”

My father now supports my getting my education, but he still expects me to get married as soon as I finish, and then to become a housewife. He and my step mom have picked a fiancée for me. He’s waiting for me until I finish my bachelor’s degree and then we’re supposed to get married. But I tell my father that I don’t think it’s going to happen. I want to go on to graduate school. My father says, “Your fiancée will wait for the four years for your bachelor’s, but that’s it. After that, you don’t have any more choice.” 

I haven’t met the fiancée. They say he’s from a good family, that he’s a very religious guy. He lives in Italy and he’s an engineer. But me, I want to find my own husband. I don’t want anybody to help me find my husband.

We were going to show the documentary at graduation, but most of the kids said, “No, we don’t want our parents to see it.” The girl we had our best interview with, the one who had left school for early marriage and pregnancy and was going through a lot with her mom, she finally decided finally that she did not want to be in the documentary at all. It was like, “I don’t want you guys to put what I said out there at graduation.” Then other girls started coming to us and saying, “I don’t want my family to see this.” I had been so excited to see how the parents would react to the documentary. Then all the students kept saying it would be bad for them. I said, “But you already signed the paper, giving us permission,” and they said, “Please you got to understand my side.”  They were scared of their parents seeing it, that they would be viewed as disrespectful.

So we cut some of the interview and comments from the final video. During the discussion groups, everyone had been so excited about the film. But when it came time to actually show it, they pleaded, “Amina, no, please don’t show it” or “Amina, please take out some of my words.”

Still, it was a great learning experience. It helped me grow personally. It was hard for me to deal with the issues it brought up and to combine it with my schoolwork. A few times, I felt like giving up, but having Liana and other teachers behind us was great. It helped me see how much I can do if I put my mind to it.

Interview with Liana Maris