If you have grandchildren in their teens, you can play a uniquely wonderful role in their lives. You have the chance to offer the love that parents do, but without the struggles over control. And you probably have more time to spend relaxing with kids and indulging them in little ways.

My grandma is perfect. She’s amazing! She lives only two blocks away from me and treats me like I’m royalty. If there's nothing to eat at my house, I’ll walk there and she’ll cook me a five-course meal. – Alice

My grandma lives with us; she’s eighty-three. My mom and my sister don’t spend time with her, so I’m in there watching soap operas with her. I like talking to her ’cause she’s open-minded; she acts like she’s twenty sometimes! She does a lot of handiwork around the house. She could be stronger than some men, physically! – Marvin

As a grandparent, not only can you stretch a teenager’s ideas about getting older, but also you may set an example of how to live outside familiar conventions.

My great-grandmother was very cool. She was an artist for a long time, and she was a very strong person. Even at the end of her years, when she was ninety-eight or so, she was learning to use a computer, because it was very important for her to keep up with what was going on currently. I considered her a role model—I hope if I live that long to be able to keep up with what’s going on in the real world, and with the technology. – Stephanie

Throughout her life, my grandmother’s taught me that no one should ever walk over you, you’re not a doormat, and if you feel like you’re being pushed around then you need to step up. She’s like a sixty-year-old woman who you would never think was strong enough to physically hurt someone, but she gets really scary when you attack her children or grandchildren. – Shannon

Every parent has a past as a teenager, and kids love hearing a grandparent’s perspective on their parents’ younger years. Lizz’s grandfather regaled her with stories about her father as the three of them drove through his hometown.

He didn’t seem to appreciate it when my grandfather was telling me things he got away with when he was my age: “Oh, there’s your dad’s high school, he used to go in the front door and out the back!” My dad just kind of looked away really huffily. I want to be like my father in some ways, and to know that they do the same stuff I do—just knowing that we both skip school—helps! – Lizz

Teenagers say they sometimes confide in grandparents instead of parents, because they can sense their unconditional love. D.J. counts on his grandmother, a retired pastor, whenever he is in trouble.

I can go to her about anything, really, and she’s behind me 100 percent. She’ll tell me, “Yes, you’ve made a mistake, but now you must get up and walk it off. You have to be able to look through the bad and just go ahead.” The only rule she’ll tell me is just to think for myself. – D.J.

Like many teenagers, Lily turns to her grandmother when she’s not getting along with her mother.

I would tell my grandma almost anything, she’s such an awesome person and so smart, and really opinionated about things but really open-minded at the same time. I like having her as a fallback for my mom. When I get into a fight with my mom, I call my grandma and talk to her about it. – Lily

Who do I want to be? >>