Adolescents often find their strongest role models in outside people like you, especially when they have a chance to do something with you. You might think of these activities as fun and not mentoring, but they give kids the chance to take new risks and to see the world from an adult perspective that doesn’t come from their parents. Ambar’s friend’s mother took both girls to the fairgrounds, where she needed a partner to go bungee jumping.

She just inspired me to do it. Like, she’s fifty-two and she wants to bungee jump? She was like, “Come on, let’s do it, it’s an experience!” If I had been on my own I would have been terrified, but I didn’t feel as scared with her. Now, if they ask me to do something, I can be a little scared, but I’ll do it. – Ambar

Sometimes teenagers notice qualities in you that make them reflect on their own lives and habits. This happened to Cotnell when an adviser at school shared his life story.

He would always tell us about how his parents didn’t want him, and he went from foster home to foster home, and when he was in the twelfth grade he had a fifth grade reading level, and all this other stuff. But somehow he made it through, and he went to college when people told him he wouldn’t be able to do it. And he has his Ph.D. So I look at that as encouragement. – Cotnell

On two Outward Bound expeditions, Tommy’s group leaders, who were in their twenties, made him think about the qualities he wanted to have as an adult.

They would talk a lot about what they did when they were our age, and how they are better people now. They know what the kids are thinking, and they really knew how to talk to us and keep us motivated. They were just really awesome people, really down to earth. That’s the type of personality you have to have—you’re outdoors all the time on these crazy expedition things—those types of traits. I could see myself being like that when I’m older—figuratively and literally, one with the earth. – Tommy

Just like everyone else, adolescents need to know that they matter to other people. Justin mows the lawn of an elderly man in his rural town and likes the personal touch.

He’s introduced me to his grandchildren, and he’s asked me to help him with other odd tasks, like taking his boat out of the lake, stuff like that. He’ll make small talk before I have to go and mow his lawn, and it’s kind of nice. He expresses interest in my interests—he’ll ask me about running, about how school is going, those kind of things. – Justin

Your interest in teenagers can help them find their way in life by expanding their horizons. Liliana volunteers at a nonprofit organization that mentors youth after they come out of juvenile detention. Through that work, she met a woman in her twenties who has introduced her to activities, ideas, and places that Liliana never would have experienced on her own.

She takes me everywhere, doing different things that usually I wouldn’t normally do because I’m home sleeping. Yesterday we went to a concert— a nonprofit organization thing against police brutality—and they had speakers talk about their experience with the police. – Liliana

Moses had never been camping until his girlfriend’s brother-in-law invited him and a couple of friends from church on a three-day trip.

It was like, “Forget about the city!” Just being up there in the mountains and not worrying about society, or people who frustrate me—just being up there with the birds and the animals. Not drinking or partying, just having fun together and talking about certain things, things you don’t talk about in front of other people. We definitely plan to go again. – Moses

Teenagers really appreciate it when you find the time to teach them new skills or offer support and coaching when they need it. Shannon found unexpected mentors at the dealership where she takes her car for maintenance.

Every time I take my car in, the guys at the garage take time out of their day to teach me what they’re doing. They teach me how to change my oil and rotate my tires and fix my brake lights. They got a guy in there who talks to me about painting my car—I want to get racing stripes down the side—how I could just do it myself, or where I could take it to get it done. I just thought it was really cool, because they are teaching me things I didn’t know how to do. – Shannon

Alex, a high school senior, gets support from a youth worker at the community agriculture project where he works.

Once a week after work, in his free time, he helps me research different colleges and the different things I need for colleges, like scholarships and essays I need to write, and how to go through the application process and everything. – Alex

Teenagers watch outside adults like you just as closely as they watch their parents— and they notice when you behave in less than admirable ways. As a high school freshman, Tommy and his friend would hang out with an unemployed man in his late twenties, who lived with grandparents.

He thought of himself as a pretty cool guy, but he obviously wasn’t! He’d just sit around all day, and we’d go over to his house and drink or whatever. Whenever I went over there I would just feel worthless, like “This is not what I want to become!” It might have been a good thing, because it really got me away from just excessive anything. – Tommy

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